How can I be truly happy? What’s my purpose in this life?
Questions I very soon started to search for the answers.
I searched for them in friendship, in food, in fasting almost to death, in travels, in lovers, in long term relationships, in moving to other places – from Germany to Argentina to the United States to Australia to Japan to Spain. In being a workaholic, working out, swamping myself in activities. Being successful, making money. Quitting my job, becoming a freelancer.
BUT I could only find glimpses of it and never everlasting happiness.
The first time I found something different, was when I went to a Buddhist monastery for 1 month. The search had ended. Finally. I felt relieved. I found a lost connection again. I felt at peace. Breathing in and breathing out. That’s it. Letting go. Of my clinging, of my desires, of my anxiety and my life plan how things should be. I finally could “just” be.
Nothing comes without effort
That’s what I learned years later. When all those revelations of the month of contemplation had been washed away. I created another illusion of myself having found happiness. And thought that’s it. I don’t have to do anything else.
I had the momentum of awakening to a new truth but the real work started and continued in my everyday life. Every situation was another test to prove how unprepared I really was. It brought me down to earth and smashed my face against reality. Now what? You still feel so enlightened?!
This is what I learned in the course of the next 10 years after leaving the monastery. And I built my daily life around going to meditation retreats. I thought that when I come back to my real life, it will just “do the magic” for me.
What I finally learned is that I created a spiritual ego. My mind created the expectation of how things should be looking like within to be happy. And that was yet again another illusion.
But the truth, my truth is that only if I let go of that ego, of what the mind tells me how things should be and if I “surrender” to how life unfolds in front of me, that is when true freedom of “myself” can happen. (Check out Michael Singer’s Surrender experiment). This “surrendering” leads to living in flow, in alignment with life itself. Everything life has to offer is already beautiful. It’s the stories I was telling myself, my preferences, judgments that were creating the suffering.
In the Blog, you will find free content that summarizes the thought and evolution process behind it. I hope this will help you to grow out of your comfort zone and into your new consciousness.
You can also sign up for my free meditation classes or explore my shamanic coaching.
Open your eyes, accept, and embrace what life is offering NOW, relax, let go and you’ll find your happiness. 😎
The journey starts here.